Intelligent Design
by prone2dementia
Summary: The One Where Wolf Makes Colonel, Alex Makes Trouble, and Yassen Makes a Miraculous Return.


Warnings: pg-13 language, mild violence.

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><p>"Now let's be reasonable here." The gun didn't move. If anything, it dug harder into Alex's skull. He swallowed.<p>

"You wanna see reasonable? I suggest you start talking."

"Well." Alex swallowed again. "I could tell you the truth, but what guarantees you'll believe me?"

"Better make it convincing then." The second man took a step forward, and Alex fought a wince. They were all crowding round him now, the six of them, decked out in full gear and so heavily armed that Alex would've felt _flattered _if he weren't developing an inconvenient case of claustrophobia.

"I say we take him to the Colonel," a new voice interjected - and this guy was younger than the rest, but it was obvious the team took him seriously. "Be done with it."

The first soldier, the unit lead, considered Alex with a frown. "But if he's a spy, we'll be giving him exactly what he wants, won't we? Leading him straight into base."

Someone snorted. "Spy? He's a bloody _kid."_

The youngest stared at Alex contemplatively before saying, "Blindfold him."

Alex applauded the idea silently but aloud muttered something about _all this ado over nothing._ He got a slap to the head for his trouble, and soon a makeshift blindfold fell over his eyes. He was hauled to his feet, hands tied together behind his back. He tried not to flinch as someone searched him, removing his SIG Sauer, his knives and his phone.

"Walk. Try anything funny and we'll shoot."

Alex didn't believe them. He complied anyway, playing it safe in case they were more trigger-happy than he suspected. There was a breeze against his face - too faint to offset the desert heat - as he allowed himself to be marched through the base.

The soldiers were only half-right about him: He was a spy, but he had no designs on this place. It wasn't anything but a brief reprieve for him.

They came to a halt, and Alex heard the lead exchange quiet words with someone. Then Alex was pushed forward again, the air turning cool as he entered a building. His instincts took over quickly, a result of too many previous missions-turned-disasters, and he began to catalogue the path they took: two lefts, a stretch of corridor, and then they stopped.

"Here," someone grunted. Alex was manhandled into an interrogation room, his blindfold snatched away. He saw that most of the unit had stayed outside.

The lead kicked out a chair, gesturing Alex into it.

"We'll have the Colonel in to talk to you soon," he said meaningfully, and Alex suspected that he was meant to be scared.

He wasn't.

After the week he'd had, he doubted anything short of nuclear war could stir him. Besides, he was tired, and he never reacted rationally while under exhaustion.

He was in the middle of conjugating Russian verbs under his breath - receiving quite a few wary looks from the lead and his fellow guard - when the Colonel finally strode in. What followed was a string of expletives fit for a B-rated mobster film.

"Hello, Wolf," Alex said, smirking, when Wolf paused to take a breath. "Nice to see you again. Made Colonel, huh? Congratulations, I'm impressed."

It sounded like Wolf was blaspheming in Polish, but Alex couldn't be sure. He only knew enough to say, "Where is the bathroom?", "This chicken is delicious," and "I have a gun."

"What the _hell _are you doing here? Last I saw you, you were breaking into my flat in Doncaster."

"It isn't breaking and entering if the door's open," Alex assured him matter-of-factly. "And I wouldn't've come in if I hadn't heard your nephew crying. How is he, anyway? Has he survived your neglect? I've been rooting for him."

Wolf spluttered, indignant, while the two soldiers glanced between him and Alex in badly concealed wonder. This wasn't what they had been expecting.

"I'll have you know that it was just the once, and I _told _you it was an emergency."

"Doesn't excuse you for leaving a one-year-old alone in a flat." If Alex's arms weren't twisted behind his back, he would've crossed them in defiance.

Wolf stared at him, red-faced. Alex held his breath, but then the man seemed to deflate visibly, giving Alex a dark look.

"I don't need a teenager to give me parenting tips, but I appreciate the sentiment," he grumbled. "Now why don't we move on? You wanna explain how you found this place?"

"Honestly?" There was the beginning of a smile on Alex's face, and Wolf was hit by a wave of unease. "It was an accident."

One of the soldiers snorted. Alex rated Wolf's ensuing glare four stars out of five.

"Accident?" asked the man incredulously, turning back to Alex. "No one discovers this place by _accident. _Officially, it doesn't even exist."

Alex shrugged. "Officially, I don't exist."

They looked at each other, neither willing to give. Then Wolf sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. He was being more expressive than was proper, but frankly, he couldn't deal with decorum and Alex at the same time.

"I've forgotten how impossible you are," he said, taking the seat across from Alex.

"Already? You wound me, Wolf. You really do."

Wolf looked pained. "You learned my Christian name ages ago. Use it."

"But, Wolfie—" Alex's expression was downright wicked. "—can you blame me for wanting to relive those glory days?"

"You're too young to be talking about glory days." And Wolf didn't sound petulant, not in the least. "But that's enough. I know a diversion when I see one."

Alex leaned back, regarding him with a thoughtful look. With that, the room's atmosphere changed palpably.

"You know me too well." The boy bent his head in coy concession, staring up at Wolf through his lashes. He lowered his voice mock conspiratorially. "So did you find anything interesting on my mobile?"

Wolf paused at the non sequitur. Appearing unsure of whether to answer honestly, he said, "Contact numbers for a whole slough of world leaders and crime dons, but I can't say I'm surprised."

"You're still having the techs look into it?"

Wolf studied him suspiciously. "Yes."

"And have they found the encrypted file yet?"

"What encrypted file?"

Wolf waited for the boy to elaborate, but all Alex said was, "Good," nodding as though self-satisfied. The man pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Can I add 'infuriating' to 'impossible'?"

"Go ahead, and while you're at it, why not just write an ode to all my charming qualities?"

Before Wolf could reply, there was a nearby commotion, the clamor of alarms. A harried soldier burst into the room, startling the guards into drawing their rifles. The messenger paid them no heed.

"Sir, we're under attack!"

Wolf's face drained of color - this was one of the world's securest bases - but despite his shock, he noticed the split-second emotion that Alex quickly stifled. Wolf narrowed his eyes. "The attackers - are they with you or after you?"

"I despair that you automatically assume I'm involved."

The insouciance wasn't appreciated, it seemed, as the guards brought their guns around, training them on Alex, the boy's age be damned.

"Shit, Alex," Wolf growled, "this isn't the time to be flippant. Fight the system on your own damned time."

Alex laughed, unamused. "After me."

Wolf made a command decision. "Uncuff him," he ordered one of the acting guards, who stared back in disbelief before Wolf made an impatient gesture. The soldier leaped to do what he was told. Finding himself freed, Alex massaged his wrists, satisfied.

"My gratitude could fill oceans."

Wolf ignored the sardonic words. "Martinez," he barked at the messenger, "what's the situation?"

"Full-scale. Not positive about the numbers yet, but there are at least a dozen of them. Primary weapons appear to be assault rifles, and they haven't even tried to conceal their presence—"

Wolf swore. This was shaping up to be one of the worst forms of attack, the insurgents blundering about as if they had nothing to lose.

"—We're in lock down, radio's compromised. We've got teams on them, but Command believes the attackers are only after one thing: him."

Him, of course, meant Alex. "I don't appreciate being objectified," he informed the room at large, to silence and general incredulity. Apparently, his inability to give a proper response extended to life-and-death situations, too.

_Sometimes, I wonder about you_, Wolf's gaze seemed to say, but aloud he merely asked someone to get Alex a gun. "Why're they after you?" he asked as he pressed a 9mm into Alex's hands.

Alex shook his head. "Irrelevant. What we need is to find the techs. The attackers will be after what's on my mobile, and I need to get there first - send the intel to MI6." His eyes were grim. "I'd meant to give a face-to-face transfer, but it's too late now."

"Goddammit." Wolf pushed a hand through his hair. "Martinez, has Command given any specific instructions about him? Actually, do they even know who he is?"

Martinez shrugged apologetically. "All they said was to keep him away from the attackers and not to let him off base."

Wolf was silent for a moment, then turned to Alex. "How important's the intel on your phone?"

"Important enough to warrant this kind of attack." The boy smiled wearily. "Let's just say that lives are hanging in the balance."

Wolf sighed. "That means you can't tell me, doesn't it?"

Alex looked almost rueful, hitching a shoulder in apology. "Are you gonna help me get to the techs, or will I have to do this alone?"

"You'd be going in blind if you went alone," Wolf muttered under his breath. Frowning, he dismissed Martinez and stood. "Abbot!"

"Yes, sir!" The leader of the unit, who had first captured Alex, snapped to attention.

"Your team's close?" At the man's nod, Wolf said, "Get them in formation. We're going to need backup."

Abbot, along with his fellow soldier, hurried out into the hall, where he gave his unit a censored explanation. When Alex and Wolf left the room, they were quickly joined by the team, who appraised Alex with a look he wasn't keen to name.

"Well?" Alex prompted.

"Stay between me and Holbrook," said Abbot, pointing at the tall blond next to Alex. Abbot then shot a hesitant expression at Wolf. "Sir—"

"I'm coming along." Wolf's glare said _end of discussion_.

Abbot nodded. "We're headed for the building west of this one," he said for Alex's benefit. "There isn't much cover. We'll probably come across live fire."

The unit, plus Wolf and Alex, started down the hall. They heard shouting in the distance, the ra-ta-tat of gunfire.

"Not very subtle, are they?" murmured Holbrook, pulling an inadvertent smirk from Alex. The boy was reasonably certain that the group after him was being funded by Ellcorp Intl., a company whose cutthroat tactics were not very subtle indeed. Alex had barely escaped their research compound mere hours before he'd stumbled onto the military base, grateful to be finally out of the predawn desert, with its barren landscape and its lack of cell phone reception. As always, on his latest mission, things had deviated from plan. He'd started his job in Ankara but was now pretty sure he was somewhere in Syria. He hadn't bothered to ask yet.

"We can't all go at once." They were now stopped at a pair of heavy metal doors. Abbot, who had spoken, pressed his back against one of the them and pushed it open a crack, letting the light pour through. "Holbrook, Colonel Sienkiewicz and I will take the boy across. The rest of you, watch our backs and run interference if we need it."

The unit members were about to voice their agreement when they heard yells from down the corridor. Alex swore, diving just in time to avoid a spray of bullets. One of the soldier's wasn't so lucky, collapsing to the floor and clutching his shoulder in pain, but the others had avoided the brunt of the assault. Alex looked back. Racing toward them was a group of men clad in black, toting guns.

The attackers had found them.

"Change of plans," said Abbot, slamming the door open, beckoning the others out with him, "We're all going across, except Marshall - you take Randolph round the side, make sure he gets to the infirmary."

They sprinted over the baked orange earth, zigzagging amongst themselves. Fifty yards lay between the building behind them and their destination. Abbot had been right: There was almost no cover, except for a couple of dumpsters against the far building. Behind them, Alex could hear the attackers closing in. Suddenly, an explosion rocked the ground, wrenching Alex to his knees.

"I thought they only had guns!" someone shouted angrily.

Apparently not.

Alex struggled up again, accepting Abbot's helping hand. They were close now. Just a few more yards.

Then he felt something tear his arm, and gasped. The blood was warm where it seeped down his elbow.

"You okay?" That was Wolf, right in his ear.

"Just a graze," Alex reassured him, propelling his legs faster, ignoring the throbbing in his arm. Holbrook had reached the other building now, and was holding the door open from the inside, a barrier against wayward potshots. Alex and Wolf plunged through at the same time, Abbot at their back.

"You guys go on," said Holbrook. "We'll hold them off as long as possible."

Abbot nodded his thanks, said, "This way," and motioned Alex onward. Halfway down the hall, they made a neat turn and continued until they reached the last door on the left. The two men slowed, and Alex followed their lead.

"There's a chance this room's been compromised," said Abbot quietly. Alex had been thinking the same. Wolf shifted his weapon to the ready and took out a key card, sliding it through the system. The door unlocked with a click.

"Now or never, gentlemen."

If the circumstance had been less dire, Alex would have cracked a joke about the title. As it stood, none of them were in the mood for light-heartedness. They entered.

The first things Alex registered were rows of computers and electronic equipment, united by a seemingly infinite array of cables. Then he saw the hostages, bound by rope, with their mouths taped shut, fear in their eyes. Each had at least one gun trained on him or her, and in that moment, it was obvious to Alex, Wolf and Abbot that they were outnumbered.

At the head of the hostages stood a painfully familiar man. "We must stop meeting like this, Alex."

Considering that he was squared off against an assassin who was supposed to be dead, Alex recovered relatively well. "You mean as opponents? I'm up to it if you are."

Yassen chuckled. "Have you always possessed such cheek? Or has absence made my heart grow fonder?"

"What the _hell _is going on?" Wolf cut in, before the reunion could deteriorate into heartfelt tears and hugging. From the stares Alex and Yassen were receiving, it seemed most of the room shared Wolf's sentiment.

Alex shrugged, his gaze never leaving the Russian. "I'd like to know that too." He noticed now that his mobile was in Yassen's hands. "You're working for Ellcorp?" he asked, seeking confirmation.

Yassen's lips twisted with wry amusement. "Do you think so?"

Alex paused, a thoughtful crease in his brow. As far as he was concerned, Yassen was one of the best double-crossers in the world - always had been, likely to always will be.

"Let me guess," said the boy eventually, "Ellcorp thinks you're working for them, but you're actually working for another company, who's also after what's on my phone."

Wolf and Abbot were forced to suppress a shudder when they saw the smile spreading slowly across Yassen's face. Alex, however, appeared unruffled.

"Am I becoming so predictable?" asked Yassen in good humor.

Alex shrugged. "We're all creatures of habit. But I have to say: you need me to get the intel, so why's there a group trying to kill me out there?"

"They aren't with me," Yassen replied, nonchalant. "That's the group who _is _working for Ellcorp."

"Ah."

From beside Alex, Wolf was thinking they had vastly underestimated the situation.

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><p>AN: Just wanted to write something fun and BAMF-y. Since this fits the criteria rather well, I may not continue... Got the courage to post thanks to some darlings - you know who you are :).

Also, there's a ton of messages and reviews I should be replying to, so in the off chance that you are one of those entitled to a response from me, know that I'm thinking of you and feeling guilty... if that makes it any better...

Please review! xx


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